OK, so after a hasty (and admittedly poor) showing on Monday, I didn't post at all yesterday. Monday work was just plain busy. I'll apologize for the crappy post, but sometimes that's what you get when I generally am only on here from work. Since this blog was supposed to be a mostly every day thing, I was a bit frustrated at not posting yesterday. But, honestly, I really have a good excuse. It all started as I set aside some work to compose a new blog post. I was less than a sentence into the post when my phone rang.
Mrs! was on the phone. Seems A3 had been injured at football practice and she had gotten a call from the trainer. It was a hard hit and the trainer had him still laying on the field wanting to get permission from Mrs! before moving him. To my surprise, she actually gave him an answer before calling me. "If he were your son, what would you do?" The trainer suggested moving A3 to the locker room to gather his belongings and then we could pick him up and take him to see a doctor. Mrs! told him to go ahead with that plan.
Mrs! and A2 left to go pick up A3. A2 had to be to work shortly, so Mrs! dropped him off early, on the way to the school. Before that, she had called A2's doctor who said we should just take him to the emergency room at the hospital. He was likely going to need x-rays and such, things they simply couldn't do at the doctor's. Why I will never know, but Mrs! had A2 call while they were driving to ask what I wanted her to do. Really? The trainer suggests getting him checked out and the doctor tells you to take him to the ER and you aren't sure what to do? I told them to go to the ER and I would meet them there.
I packed up at work (leaving an unwritten blog post behind) and headed to meet them. By the time I arrived they were checked in and waiting. I wont bore you with the tedium that we dealt with last night, but about six hours later we finally left. We had two rounds of x-rays, three consults (the ER doctor called the wrong orthopedist, so we waited for the orthopedic consult doctor twice), a five dollar meal of vending machine chips, and a two hundred dollar copay (yeah, I know, WTF!) we were done. Sort of.
We have an appointment tomorrow with the team orthopedic doctor and we will know more then, but for now A2 is on strict no sports, no physical activity, take it easy orders from the ER doctor. He is anxious to get back out to practice, but he also understands the necessity of letting everything heal. Not expecting any surgery or any future complications, just a month or so of rest letting everything get back to normal strength.
So, good news, right? Right? OK, yeah, but why am I still in such a pissy mood. Part of it is that I am tired. The stress of everything combined with the late night and early morning just has me worn down. I know that a lack of sleep can send me into this mood, but I couldn't help it much yesterday. My weeks are generally a delicate balance of getting barely enough sleep and trying to keep up my morning exercise schedule. Any bump in the road can cause problems, and yesterday was more than a little bump.
But there's more than that. I know that there is no truth to life being fair and no promises that life will be good. And while I may get frustrated and complain about problems I face that are caused by something I did wrong, this isn't one of those times. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of A3 both because he did his best on the field and that he's anxious to get back out there. Even for him it was more a matter of bad timing rather than something he caused. Shit happens, as they say. I just get frustrated when it happens to us. I tend to lose my zen inner peace more easily.
And really, to be honest, there is an undercurrent behind all of this that keeps tugging at me. The fact that I want to be with BFF, but I can't, that leaves me in a state of near frustration consistently. It doesn't take much to push me over the edge into depression (not clinical, just down and out). I've got a general feeling of defeat and hopelessness in my every day life. The emotional equivalent of the delicate balance of my sleep habits. So the frustration of the unfairness* of what happened to A3, or not so much what happened, but the recovery time frame, just pushes me over an emotional edge.
Of course, as this realization sinks in, as I recognize that what A3 is dealing with is only a big deal because of the core level depression over BFF and I... well, I feel like a selfish ass, of course. And that helps my spirits so very much. BFF doesn't like it when I call myself a selfish ass or a selfish bastard. But that's how I feel sometimes. Unfortunately, I really don't have any answers to solve the problems I've gotten myself into. Maybe time will work things out more quickly than it has been. In the mean time, I'm grateful that A3 will eventually be back to normal, I just hope it is sooner rather than later.
Until next time,
~ Anon ~
* - Yes, I do recognize that other parents and other families deal with a hell of a lot worse than what I am dealing with. I feel for them. I really do. But the unfairness of their situation does not invalidate nor does it lessen the unfairness of mine. I realize they may have worse to deal with, but my frustrations are real as well.
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