I have only had a couple comments about this blog. Other than BFF and I, there are a couple more hits, so someone is reading what I write. It may just be a random hit every once in a while and really only BFF and I are reading, I don't know. :) But with the lack of actual questions I'll try to answer one that I can imagine people have asked themselves.
In the past, and about once ever six to eighteen months, we have a confrontation over some of the issues. So I do have some experience with confronting the problems. There are really three different ways that Mrs! responds to the problems when I bring them up.
The first response, and one of the two "go to" responses that she leans on is to get into a depressed, "woe is me" mindset. Because she hasn't done something I ask about, or because she hasn't acted a certain way, she is a failure and miserable wife who can never do anything right. Or so her mindset goes. She will mope around for a day or two until she either gets over it and starts acting normal or until I relent and do what I can to cheer her up.
The second response, and the other "go to" response is to turn it back to me. Not even necessarily with a cause and effect concept ("Well I did that because you did..."). No, she just turns it around and points out something I did that she has a problem with. In the past this has led to a longer drawn out argument, but has deflected the focus on what I originally brought up.
Now, however, after she said during the discussion following the suicide fight that "You never say you are sorry," I try to accept what she says and apologize. I've even apologized recently for something I didn't feel was my fault*. Yeah, remember I said before that she thought I was gullible. Maybe I am.
The third way she responds (and along with "woe is me", this is the most often response when cleaning chores are discussed) is to do what I've asked, but get all pissy with an attitude. After I've made general comments about keeping the house clean, she's gone to the kitchen and slammed stuff around while cleaning up. Now, while I will own up to being an ass, let me clarify that this discussion happened when all of our children (teenagers) were in school all day and she was not working or in school. And, to put the cherry on top, I was just telling her I would like the kitchen cleaned up and even if she made the kids do it (since some of it was their mess), I would back her up and enforce grounding or whatever as needed. Still, the same response.
Knowing what the response is likely to be, or at least what the three categories it will fall into, I tend to not talk about stuff to her anymore. I really don't want to deal with her being all mournful or all pissy, and while I'm more than happy to address any areas she want to discuss where I offended her, I don't want those to come up because I brought up something I had an issue with.
Given that, I tend to keep my mouth shut and try to ignore the problems. I'm sure that isn't healthy for the relationship, and it is probably not healthy for me either, but I don't know what else to do. I've debated recently writing her a letter about this (and other issues). That way she can address wants to in her own time, but at least she will know that even if I am putting on a happy face, I don't consider everything to be OK still.
Until next time,
~ Anon ~
* - We has a disagreement over something a friend posted on facebook. When I asked her about it she pointed out that she didn't like that friend. That wasn't exactly what I was wanting to talk about, but the argument ensued and I apologized later because we "seemed to be talking past each other". From my perspective though she took a discussion of the content of an article and made it about the friend's personality.
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